I left that box on the corner three blocks back...

I lived inside a box. It was a perfectly square box. I left that box behind today.
I walked on a straight path. One focus, one direction, no variations. I walked along that path every day. Now I’m running through a meadow, aimlessly, no direction, no ending. Completely free. Nothing to hold me or confine me or define me.
Free.
For most of my life I wanted to fit in. I knew I didn’t think the same as everyone else. I didn’t feel normal. My main goal in life was to blend. I shuddered at the thought of calling attention to myself. If I was asked a question in class, even if I knew the answer, I still wouldn’t raise my hand. I didn’t want all eyes on me. Because I knew I was strange, and I was afraid that if anyone looked too closely, they’d notice it too.

Tragedy can bring change in your life. Changes that you never planned on or prepared for. When you encounter a change, you can either open your eyes for the first time, or close them forever. You can see everything you’ve been given and everything there is to give. I had the perfect picture of how I wanted my life to be. The mold of the perfect family, the perfect life, the perfect child. I realize now that I don’t want to be “perfect”. Perfection is boring. There is no room to add to that, to shake it up. If you set your mind to be pink paint, then you’ll only be pink paint, nothing else. When you don’t limit yourself to one color, then you can add blues and greens and yellows, constantly blending new things in your paint and being thrilled at each new color you find. The options are endless.

I’m discovering now that I like all the imperfections about myself. I find now that I’m very irritated when people like the same things that I do. I don’t want to fit in.
We start out as little children, our minds are free and innocent. We actually USE our imaginations, and it’s encouraged by the others around us. But as we get older, society starts to box us in. We have to “color inside the lines”. Our creativity and imaginations are stifled. Our childhood dreams of becoming a musician or a circus clown are stomped on. That fire inside us is all but extinguished. Please don’t misinterpret what I’m saying as to mean everyone should live in a fantasy world. What I’m saying is, we all have dreams, and as adults we’re made to believe that we can’t have what we dream of. That we can’t be who we really want to be. That anything outside of what society says is normal, is abnormal.

I’ve come to a crossroads in my life. I’ve realized that I don’t want to reach the end of my life and never have accomplished anything. I don’t want to die knowing that the most exciting thing I did was stay out late on a Saturday night or take a different route to work in the morning (I have actually done things slightly more exciting). I want to live a life that’s full and satisfying. I’ve been so worried that I wasn’t “good” at anything. That there was nothing that I could say was my “talent”. Now I know I don’t need to be good at any one thing. As long as I try and experience, that’s all that matters. If I want to learn Spanish and I really suck at it, at least I’ve tried and have that as another notch on my belt. If I want to go hike through the Amazon, and I actually survive it, then that’s going to make a great story for my grandkids one day. When I’m old – I want a story to tell. I want to have lived.

Here is a quote to live by:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body,But rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, wine in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"